


Mainewash Drabbles!

by StairsWarning



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: M/M, mainewash - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-31
Updated: 2015-08-04
Packaged: 2018-04-12 05:29:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 3,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4467152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StairsWarning/pseuds/StairsWarning
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A bunch of Mainewash ficlets based on tumblr AU prompts.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I Happened to Look Into Your Window to See You Doin' a Slammin' Air Guitar

  * _I happened to glance into your window just in time to see you do a slammin’ air guitar solo but then you caught me looking_




Maine parked his car in his spot, something in the apartment building catching his eye. Maine stepped out of his car and looked closer. Yep, that guy was definitely air-guitaring to something. Maine laughed, walking a bit closer, trying to figure out what song he was listening to.

As soon as Maine leans against the man’s fence, the man looked outside his window, stopping his air guitar mid-riff. He blushes, closing the curtain and coming outside.

“Did you uh… See that?” He asks. Maine nods. “...How much?” He questions, his shoulders hunched up by his ears and his blush accentuating his freckles, probably dying from embarrassment.

“Not enough.” Maine says, smiling. “That was some slammin’ air guitar.” The man blushes harder, holding out his hand.

“I’m David, but you can call me Wash.” Maine takes his hand firmly.

“Maine.” Maine smiles at Wash. This was gonna be a good friendship.

 


	2. Our Building Has a Strict No Pets Policy... Oh Shit You're Cute

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I don’t want to be that jerk but our building has a strict No Pet Policy and your cat will not stop meowing and and I WILL report you and oh no you’re cute

“Okay, I don’t wanna be that jerk, but our building has a strict No Pet Policy, and your cat will NOT stop meowing, and I WILL report-” Wash rambles, stopping when he realizes who he’s talking to. The man in front of him is _adorable_ , a kitten perched on his shoulder, his face a pleasant mixture of confused and intrigued, the kitten still yelling like a fucking asshole.

“You’ll what?” The man asks, pulling the kitten onto the top of his head. The cat lays down calmly on top of the man’s bald head, curling up into a ball. Wash nearly faints, it’s so cute. Wash clears his head, remembering why he came here in the first place, a lot less confident than before.

“I- uh,” Wash stutters, sighing heavily. “Can you just get your cat to shut the fuck up sometimes? I like to sleep too.” The man laughs, a big booming noise, which was the other thing that kept you from enjoying listening to things without headphones. Even though he and his laugh is super adorable, Wash wanted to just live his life.

“Alright, alright. But you gotta promise me something in return.” He says, pulling the kitten from his head down into his arms.

“Uh, sure. What is it?” Wash asks the man as he cradles the cat, grinning.

“Go on a date with me?”

 


	3. The Postal Worker Accidentally Delivered Your Package to My Door... Wow That's a Weird Item

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The postal worker delivered your package to my place accidentally and I was expecting something so I totally didn’t look before I opened it and… wow that is um… quite an interesting thing you bought and I’m here to return it

Wash awkwardly grabbed the package, turning it over in his hands and checking the address. _These aren’t cat lights_. Wash thinks, carefully putting the objects back in the box they came in.

Wash headed out into the halls, looking for the right room number. Once he got there he knocked, expecting some middle aged woman, but instead being greeted by a very tall, buff man. A very handsome, tall, buff man. _Shit. This is gonna be awkward_. You wait until the man greets you, quickly explaining yourself.

“The postal worker delivered your package to my place accidentally, and I was expecting something so I didn’t look at the address before opening it and… Wow that is um… Quite and interesting thing you bought and I’m here to return it. Please don’t hurt me.” Wash babbles. The man looks down at the poorly folded package in Wash’s hands, blushing heavily.

“Yeah I’m just gonna take this back now…” The man mumbles, taking the package from Wash. He turns to head back into his apartment, but Wash interrupts him.

“Hey uh… Not to sound like a weirdo but, what’s your name? I’d like to at least know the name of the dude who ordered a vibrator and lube online.” Wash attempts to joke. The man turns back towards Wash, still blushing awkwardly.

“Maine. How ‘bout you?”

“David, but you can call me Wash.” Wash smiles, glad Maine wasn’t being too weird about it.

“Ok, Wash. One more question. What did you buy?” Maine asks, tossing the box into his apartment.

“Oh! I was waiting for cat lights. Like, string lights.” Maine looks at Wash disbelievingly. “Hey, I’m a fucking geek, what can I say?” Wash smiles widely. He then realizes he could totally hit this guy up if he wasn’t in a relationship already. Hopefully. “Hey Maine? Here’s my number if you need help getting something out of your ass.” Maine blushes, accepting the piece of paper.

“I’ll call if anything goes south, I promise.” Maine jokes. Wash laughs, waving to Maine and heading back to his own apartment. Maybe that wasn’t such a bad find after all.

 


	4. Don't Sleep Though Your Stop

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You and I ride the same bus home every day but never talk but then you fell asleep and sorry to wake you up (you look really cute in your sleep) but it’s your stop next

Maine gets on the bus after a long day at work, excited to just go home, eat some microwaved hot dogs, and pass the fuck out. He was also excited to see the other guy that rode the bus every day, Wash or David or something like that. Maine, not being a huge chatty Kathy, hasn’t talked to the guy more than four times, but Maine still appreciates him being on the bus.

Usually he would get off the bus one stop before Maine’s, but today he must’ve had a really hard day at work for him to be sleeping on the bus.

A few stops before his and that guy was _still not awake_. Now, Maine could admit that the man looked adorable when sleeping, but he didn’t want him to miss his stop. Maine walked over to the man slowly, gently shaking him awake. The man blinks groggily, and _yeah_ , Maine wants to see that every morning.

“Wha-? Oh, hey guy.” The man starts. Maine laughs, pointing to the board showing where the next stop was. “Oh! thanks. I was hoping I wasn’t gonna fall asleep yet but, oh well. You really saved me there.” The man smiles at Maine, not realizing how close they were. “Oh by the way, I’m David. Or Wash. I don’t really care.” Wash says, sticking out his hand.

“Maine.” He replies, shaking Wash’s hand firmly. They separate awkwardly, but before things can get too awkward, Maine grabs a post-it and a pen, writing down his phone number before Wash got off the bus.

Wash stands up slowly, getting ready to head home. Before he could get off, though, Maine hands him a post-it, his phone number and ‘ _Call me ;)_ ’ written on it. Wash blushes, smiling and heading off the bus.

 


	5. Stop Sneezing so Fucking Loud

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I can literally hear you sneezing through the walls and I brought some chicken noodle soup over for you because I have exams to study for and your sneezing is seriously distracting me

***ACHOO***

_Just. Keep calm, Wash. It’s nothing. Just sneezing. Violently, violently loud sneezing._

***ACHOO***

_It’s not like I have a huge fucking exam tomorrow. Not at all._

***ACHOO***

_That fucking asshole must be super sick if this is what’s coming out of his mouth. Maybe I should make soup for him? That might distract his body for long enough so I don’t have to listen to his constant goddamn sneezing._

***ACHOO***

_Yep, that settles it. I’m making soup._

Wash stands up off his drab couch, heading to his small kitchen. He grabs a can of chicken noodle soup, still hearing that dude’s sneezing echoing down the hall. Wash was gonna make the most bomb-ass soup a college student has ever made, he was sure of it. Wash quickly heated the soup, adding a few spices and herbs to add to the flavor. Once he was done, he grabbed a rubbermaid container and headed towards the sounds of the echoing sneezes.

He arrived at a door a few down from his own, a ‘do not disturb’ sign on the knob. Wash knocked anyway. The man who answered was bulky and tall, and also looked like he was a minute at best from throwing up. Wash attempted not to recoil as he let out a thunderous sneeze, answering the door with a creaky, “Sup?”. Wash held his hands out, the container still hot.

“Yeah, I can hear your sneezes through the walls, I brought some soup over cause your sneezes are distracting me from studying for the bigass exam I have tomorrow.” Wash says. The guy puts his hand up, denying the soup.

“I’m fine. Thanks though.” The guy tries to close his door, but Wash puts his foot in the frame, making sure he gets this damn chicken noodle soup, goddammit.

“No, I seriously doubt you’re fine. Just take the goddamn soup. I spent like, twenty minutes on it so you could shut the fuck up.” The guy laughs, taking the container from your hands.

“Thanks, uh, what’s your name?” He asks.

“Wash. How ‘bout you?”

“Maine. You wanna come in? I could probably help you study.” Wash nods, knowing he’d probably be more of a distraction than not, but oh well. At least he’s cute.

 


	6. God-Send of a Smile

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> im on the bus and my 2-year-old won’t stop crying, except you just smiled at them and they did

_God fucking dammit, if Hanna keeps crying, I think I’m gonna go crazy_. Wash thinks, trying to calm down his two-year-old daughter on the subway. Wash knows how to all these people he’s probably seen as a bad parent, not only having a crying child but being a single dad as well.

Hanna continues to cry, completely ignoring your attempted shushes and kind words. What she did instead, was look over to a thickass stranger who was covered in tattoos and piercings, suddenly calming down when he gives her a reassuring smile. Wash’s eyes widen, glancing between Hanna and the stranger, balancing Hanna on his hip and walking over to the man.

“Dude, with how loud my kid just was… I kinda wanna marry you. What’d you do? Please tell me.” The man chuckles, leaning back in his chair.

“Eh, I don’t know, It might be ‘cause of my size? I don’t know. Kids find me comforting.” He pauses for a moment before adding, “And I think I’ll have to get to know you before we get married.” He chuckles as Wash blushes, sitting back down next to him. Hanna perches herself on Wash’s lap, suddenly content with everything that’s happened.


	7. Sorry For Breaking Your Nose I Was Scared

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you’re an actor in a haunted house and i accidentally punched you in the face when you scared me au

Wash knew it was a bad idea to come to the haunted house, but when Carolina wanted to hang out, Wash made time for his sister. No matter how shitty the idea. And this, this shitty idea topped the rest.

Wash is terrified of scary shit, one of the only Halloween movies he can handle being The Nightmare Before Christmas. Carolina knew this.

Carolina is a douche.

Wash and Carolina walk into the haunted house, Wash completely on edge. After a few lame scares, Wash was starting to loosen up a bit. But by the time they made it to the main part of the attraction, something very big and very intimidating leaped out at Wash. He was terrified, so instinctively he wound back and let it rip on the thing that scared him.

For Wash, it felt like time had stopped. Carolina’s face frozen in horrified humor, the poor guy Wash full on punched leaning over, holding his face. As soon as Wash came back into the moment, he started apologising, trying to see what he could do to help, all while Carolina was almost crying laughing at what had happened.

Maine looked up to see who the guy was that nearly goddamn decked him to see a guy who was- compared to his own height of almost seven feet- probably on the short side of five feet tall, sporting a face full of freckles and the cutest undercut of all time. Maine could barely function. He doesn’t even care that this dude probably broke his nose, maybe he could get his number.

Maine touches his nose and _yep_ , it’s broken. He winces in pain slightly, leading the two guests out a employee exit. The cute guy continues to babble apologies, his friend trailing behind on her phone.

“Can I at least give you a ride to the hospital? That must hurt like a motherfucker.” He says. Maine nods. “I’m Wash, by the way.” Wash says, leading Maine to his car. “That’s Carolina, my sister.” Maine lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding, hearing Carolina chuckling as she gets into the back of the car. Maine sits in the passenger seat, Wash driving.

Even though Maine got his nose broken and Wash has a new reason not to go to haunted house attractions, they each met someone new and interesting. For Carolina though, she was just hoping this wasn’t gonna happen every time she hangs out with her brother.

 


	8. The Weirdest Cab Experience

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> how the hell do i keep managing to get you as my cab driver au

Wash steps into the cab, automatically telling them the directions to his job. How he missed the subway, Wash was unsure, but he could always get a cab.

When Wash sat down, he looked at the driver- a large, buff man. Whatever. He got him to work relatively fast, Wash paid the fare, and left.

The next day, it was a bit weird. He missed the subway again, so Wash just called a cab again. What he wasn’t expecting was the same large, buff man from the day before. Wash ignored it, got to work, and moved on.

Until the next day, when the exact same thing happened. And the next day. And the day after that. At that point, Wash was just curious at how many times he could get the same cab driver every single time.

The next week, Wash called a cab, and once again got the large, buff man. Wash asked for his name.

“The name’s Maine. How about you?” Maine asks.

“Wash. Are you on like, a certain route each morning or something? How do I keep getting you as my cab driver?” Maine chuckles, driving to Wash’s job without Wash saying where to go.

“Surprisingly, I don’t. Somehow I just end up here when you need a cab. A few times some other cab drivers were en route to pick you up, but i intercepted ‘em. You seem pretty cool.” Maine says, smiling slightly.

This continues for another week, Wash and Maine talking during the rides to Blood Gulch Industries. Then, one day when Wash calls a cab, another person shows up, some girl named Connecticut. When Wash gets in the cab expecting his buff buddy and is met with a teeny girl, Wash is more than startled.

“So, Wash, is it? Yeah, Maine’s sick today. Where’d you wanna go?” She says. She then mumbles under her breath, “I swear to god that guy’s got a crush bigger than the sun. And for this kid, no less.” Wash blushes, stating the address to Blood Gulch Industries.

When they arrive at BGI, before Wash leaves after paying, Connecticut asks him a very pressing question.

“Wash, dude, please, ask Maine for his number.” She pauses for a second, before correcting herself. “Wait wait wait- nevermind. I have his number. Text him today. Ask him out to dinner or some shit, I don’t care. You guys just need to be together. It’s weird how lovesick Maine is about you.” Connecticut hands you a piece of paper with a phone number on it, a small note underneath it. _Ask him out, you ass!_

Wash laughs, entering his number in and immediately texting him a simple, _Where were you today? Connecticut is only so great at small talk._

Maine rolls over in his bed, groaning. He grabs his phone, wondering who was texting him this early. Must be CT, he thinks, she is the one covering my shift today. Maine unlocks his phone to look at a message from an unknown number, the text reading, _Where were you today? Connecticut is only so great at small talk._

_No… She couldn’t have…_ Maine thinks. _Did she give Wash my number?? And is he actively texting me??_ Maine freaks out for a second, kinda glad he was sick today. He’s grinning when he sends this message back to Wash, _Thankfully ill be back tomorrow, but if you want after that we could hang out if you miss my voice so much >;)_

On the other side of the screen, Wash started to freak out. In a good way, of course, but still. He was supposed to be an important official and here he is. Geeking out cause a dude asked him out. Maybe missing the subway wasn’t too bad after all.

 


	9. Cheetos Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wash wakes up to a crunching sound. What the fuck is the crunching sound? And where's it coming from??

Washington’s eyes opened with a snap. _That fucking noise, what the hell is that?_ Wash thought. He’d been hearing a strange crunching noise all throughout the night, and at first Wash had been kinda scared, not sure what was happening. As the night progressed, however, all Wash wanted was some _goddamn sleep_. He did not spend the entire previous day out on a mission with Wyoming to come back to a rough-ass night of sleep.

Wash groaned, getting up out of his warm bed. He was dedicated to the cause, wanting to know what the fuck was making that crunching noise all damn night. Wash got up, flicking his lightswitch. Nothing. Of course. Wash walked back over to his bed, digging through his nightstand blindly, trying to find the small flashlight he kept there.

He grabs it triumphantly, turning it on. He walks towards his closet suspiciously, covering the ground in his room first.

Wash slows, creeping up to the closet 90% sure that’s where the sound was coming from. He reaches towards the handle of the door cautiously, then ripped it open, revealing a starstruck Maine, covered in empty Cheetos bags and orange dust. _What the fuck??_

“What the fuck?? Maine?? What’re you doing?” Wash says, confused and bone tired. Maine shrugs. Wash groans.

“Hungry.” Maine grunts.

“Yeah no SHIT, dude. But why’re you in MY closet?” Wash brings his hand up to his face, pinching the bridge of his nose and taking a deep breath.

“Director won’t let m’have more n’ a bag a day. So…" Maine gestured his arms around the closet at the dozens of bags of Cheetos. "Stash.” Maine attempts to explain. Wash sighs deeply, looking over to the clock on his nightstand. 4:17 AM. Well, he wasn’t gonna be getting any sleep soon.

Wash mumbles a quiet ‘scootch’ before plopping down on Maine’s lap, opening his own bag of Cheetos. Maine grunts an affirmative, resting his chin on Wash’s head. Wash sighs lightly, turning off his flashlight and joining the weird Cheeto party in his closet.

[Bonus Scene]:

CT sits on the shelf above the two, yoinking a bag every now and then, making sure not to be caught. She knew there would be hell to pay if Maine caught her joining in on the Cheetos party, at least without an invitatio **n.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> s/o to my friend (mayatoon on tumblr) for suggesting this prompt for me. if you want me to do any certain prompt, leave it in the comments or send an ask via tumblr! (stairswarning.tumblr.com)


End file.
